Seinfeld: The Musical

by Ben Kling

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released December 23, 2014

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Ben Kling Brooklyn, New York

I’m a freelance animator, illustrator, web/graphic designer, musician, and writer.
I'll let you punch me for ten dollars.

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Track Name: Festivus
Festivus Lyrics

On december twenty third
You would remember if you'd heard
That is the date we celebrate
this great absurdity

Not just the birth of Eddie Vedder
That’s great, but this is even better
Let’s coalesce together close
no roasted bird or tree

What could this be
What do we call it
Makes light our hearts
But not our wallets

A conservative alternative to mainstream holidays

It’s Frank Constanza’s Festivus
You bring along a guest who must
Partake in the unrest with us
Confess what blights their soul

So have a blessed festivus
Invented by the stressed and fussed
That once a year the best of us
Could raise a metal pole

Then we air our grievances
Elaborating to great length
The ways our kin have peeved us, yes
And then we hold the feats of strength

And when you’ve pinned your father
That’s when festivus is over
But if you just get smothered
Then I guess…it never ends!

We’re celebrating festivus
Cause Weltschmerz has infested us
When faced with Christmas zest
Disgust’s a thing we can't control

So have a friend at festivus
Express at the behest of us
The reason they’re distressed with us,
Shortcomings to extoll


Won’t you invest in festivus
No need to be obsessed with us
You only need request and just
Like that you’ll be enrolled

So have a happy festivus
The feast set for the rest of us
For once a year, the best of us
We raise a metal pole